Saturday, November 06, 2010

If I trust in God, will I get what I want?

I've always had a bit of a challenge with trust. Not in all ways. I trust my husband to be faithful to me and love me always. I trust my children to always stay in touch with me in love.

I trust God to always care for us in His loving providence. But do I always act like I trust Him to take care of us? I'm sorry to say, not always. Why not?

Shortly before my dear friend and co-worker died recently - a day or two before she first went unexpectedly to the hospital in what would be her final weeks - we had one of our deep discussions. Somehow we got onto the subject of trust in God. Usually when this topic came up, it would be me worrying about something and her saying simply, "Give it to God" or "God's got it" or chidingly, "You of all people..." In response to that last one, I would think, as we sometimes think toward God, "Why me?" Only I was thinking, "Why me, 'of all people'?" Because I'm Catholic? Because I have a strong faith? Does that mean I'm not going to worry about anything?

That last day, we went further in the discussion. I explained that I trust God, but, I admitted with a smile, I'm afraid he's going to allow things I'm not going to like (it's happened before, right?). She looked at me intently, listening, drawing me out without a word. So I thought some more and I went on.

"But we have to trust him to give us the strength and comfort to deal with whatever He allows." She smiled knowingly, nodded with satisfaction, and we both turned back to our work. Only later did I discover that she already knew that day that her health was taking a turn for the worst.

Does trusting God mean that we think He will give us all our heart desires in this world? No. But if we draw close to Him, He will always give us what our hearts need, what we need to get through whatever He allows to befall us and our loved ones in this imperfect, fallen world.

"God's got it" remains true, even in the midst of the trials of earth. And if we "keep on keeping on" in trust in Him, His peace will be our reward, both now and later.