Showing posts with label Articles. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Articles. Show all posts

Tuesday, May 15, 2007

Be Positive?

"Be positive" is an expression I used to hear a lot. There was a time when I read many of the books on the subject. Being positive sure beats being negative. But perhaps the expression is not all that it's cracked up to be. Why do I say that? Just had this thought yesterday: The word is not specific! Never mind that it may or may not take God and spirituality into account...Most people who talk about being positive do have God in their lives and do turn to him for help in being positive. But what exactly does it mean to "be positive"? It's hard to know.

Instead, how about identifying the specific "negatives" that are in our lives and applying the opposite? If we are fearful, perhaps we need to work and pray to "be trusting in God". We might look at how He has taken care of us so far, and at the goodness of His creation, as well as read the Gospels. If we are pessimistic...or scrupulous, we may need to "be hopeful". We may want to meditate on heaven, and particularly stay close to our loving Jesus in the Holy Eucharist. If we are gloomy, we can pray for help to "be cheerful". And perhaps read about St. Phillip Neri who was sometimes called the "cheerful saint".

Whatever negative thought patterns are working in our lives, if we pray for guidance we can probably find the opposite thoughts or virtues and focus on those. This might not be an overnight project but a lifetime endeavor. But we can always try to "be patient" and persevere in our quest.

Sunday, April 15, 2007

Give Your Cashier a Break Today

That cashier you deal with could be my son. It could have been me a year or so ago. It could be an accountant or a teacher, working part time on the side to help their family surive financially. I knew one woman who worked both a professional job and a department store job, and also had a family to take care of. I knew another woman, a grandmother in her sixties, who worked three jobs (and ended up in the hospital).

The cashier you encounter could also be someone who's going through something really horrendous in his or her personal life. And yes, I've known some cashiers and sales associates for whom that truly was the case!

It's not always easy to give your cashier a break. As a matter of fact, I have a confession to make. It was very hard for me, just the other day! I was checking out my always low price items, and I was having trouble hearing what the cashier was saying to me...not so strange in a noisy place, since I'm deaf in one ear. So I asked her what she had said, but she answered that she wasn't talking to me. Then I saw that her cell phone was open on the counter in front of her, and she was talking into it. Toward the end of the transaction, I once again asked what she had said, and she once again said it wasn't me she was talking to. How could she ignore me like this? Very rude. I was beginning to lose patience, but I decided to be polite and calm while being at least a bit open with her about what she was doing. So I said to her, "I can't tell when you're talking to me - and when you're talking to the person on your cell phone." She said, pleasantly, "I wouldn't call you a ........" I don't even know what word she finished the sentence with, because I didn't hear it, but evidently this was something she had said to her friend that she wouldn't think of saying to me...yet she had said it in my presence.

Now what could I have done at that point? There was a fleeting thought of complaining to management. After all, this girl should learn how she should treat customers. But you know what? I've been through this girl's line before, and I picked her line this day because she's pleasant to do business with. Who knows WHY she felt a need to talk on her cell phone this particular afternoon? One thing I do know is that the cashiers are usually very overworked...not only at that store but at every retail establishment I've seen in the past several years. I know how demotivating that can be! I know the lack of support from management that sometimes occurs. I know the anxiety that goes with reduced hours, as it causes overwork and not enough money coming in to pay the bills...even expenses that high school students have gone to work to pay. I know it all. So I just thanked her (she DID ring up my items, you know), and went on my way.

Would you like to do the spiritual works of mercy without getting further from home than your grocery store? "To bear wrongs patiently" is one of those works, and you just may have an opportunity to do that at your grocery store, post office, airline counter, or other place of business. Just remember: Very often the problems that occur are not the fault of the clerks. Much of the time they are simply exercising company policies that they don't like any better than you do. And even when problems are the fault of the clerks, it wouldn't hurt to cut them a little slack. Because of your kindness, some cashier might go home talking about the person who was nice to them, instead of talking about yet another person who abused them. You might save someone's day...or more. God bless you!

Thursday, March 29, 2007

Fort McHenry

The War of 1812 was precipitated by British ships capturing Americans to help sail her ships in her war with France, and conflicts over the Northwest Territories and the Canadian border.

In 1814, British troops attacked Washington D.C., burning important buildings. Americans frantically moved documents to safe places. Then the British troops moved up the Chesapeake Bay, where their next target was the important city of Baltimore. American troops were ready at Ft. McHenry, the water entrance to Baltimore. Infantrymen and sailors exchanged cannon fire through the night of September 13, 1814.

An American lawyer, Francis Scott Key, had been on a British warship when the battle started, trying to effect the release of an American doctor. Dawn brought him the moving sight of our flag flying over the Fort. The American troops had triumphed. Key jotted the Star Spangled Banner on an envelope, and passed it around later that month as a handbill.

We got a feel for this era of our country, during our visit to Fort McHenry, where we saw canons similar to the ones that had been used, and visited the barracks where the soldiers had lived and worked.

The Battle for Baltimore had been the turning point of the War of 1812. Our young nation had once again proven our liberty from Great Britain as a separate country, so we could then move on to become allies. Today we can work side by side; and learn from one another's literature and other contributions to society.

Monday, March 19, 2007

One Dark Night, One Lonely Road

Rain pelted the car in torrents as we drove on and on. At each motel, in the little town of Long Beach, Washington the sign was the same: No Vacancy.

My Dad had reservations for a campground, but how would he pitch a tent and give his wife and two young daughters any shelter in this unrelenting storm? Yet where else could he go?

Finally he pulled into the campground and talked to the owner.

“You and your family can’t sleep out in this weather!” she said. “I have an old dining hall that isn’t used anymore except to store hay. You must sleep in there tonight,” she urged.

We hoped there were no mice among the bales of hay. Perhaps our hostess had cats, for we heard no signs of any mice. We slept peacefully, snug and dry, my Dad grateful to have shelter for his family.

Years later, in a different part of the state, on a lonely stretch of highway in the Columbia River Gorge, my Dad was once again driving on and on. This time he was making a long commute home from work. On the side of the road he saw a car pulled over, with a flat tire. In it were two women. Always the Good Samaritan, he wanted to stop, but the fact that there were two co-workers with him made him hesitate. Would they mind the delay?

“I hope you don’t mind if we stop to help these ladies,” Dad said to his companions. “We’re miles from the nearest phone. If we don’t help them, I don’t know when someone will.”

“Would you like me to change your tire?” he asked as he came up to the ladies’ car. They were very grateful.

“Now I remember who you are!” exclaimed one of the women when he had finished. He looked at her more closely and then he, too, remembered. He remembered one dark night when he needed shelter for his family and she had given him a hand. And now, providentially, he had come along at the right time and place to give her a hand on a lonely road.

Wednesday, February 28, 2007

Recognizing Faces

A couple years ago, I wrote the following article at my website:

Fifteen years ago, sitting at dinner with my family, I asked a question that had slowly dawned on me, "When we're talking about someone, do you see that person in your mind?"

What I've found since then is that most people who do, have never imagined that anyone else doesn't. And for those who don't, it sometimes takes many years of life to realize that others do. I've also found that it's a matter of degree. Some people visualize faces in their minds clearly and at will. Some people visualize faces in their minds only occasionally and not clearly...still others, not at all.

For those of us who do not visualize faces well, description can be a problem. Someone asks, "What does she look like?" and we are often hard-pressed to give an answer. Often our answer has more to do with the person's personality or mood than with what he or she looks like.

"How widespread is this problem and what can I learn about it?" I wondered.

Click here to find out what I learned.

Tuesday, February 13, 2007

Valentine's Day Adventures

A Story I Wrote to a Friend Five Years Ago
on February 15, 2002
(Thank you, Janet, for saving this story for me.)

Yesterday my 13 year old son climbed up to get something off a high shelf in the garage. He had permission to get the Ravioli but I thought he'd use a ladder or a stepstool. But no, he used the Rubbermaid box I have below it. Well, now, my daughter is an artist, but her artistic nature isn't always concerned about some of the little details. She had a gallon can of pink paint, from painting her room, sitting right near the Rubbermaid box...and she hadn't been able to get the lid on real tightly. Well, I'd seen that paint can there a dozen times (and thought vaguely that it shouldn't be there) but never realized it wasn't shut quite as well as it should be. I'm sure by now you can see the picture. My son came down from the Rubbermaid box onto the paint can, tipped it over onto the floor and his foot. Fortunately, he is just "dumb" enough to go barefoot in the winter. Otherwise he would be wearing pink shoes! Fortunately also, it was latex paint, which will wash out with soap and water if you get it soon enough. I thought it was so appropriate that the paint was pink for Valentine's Day.

I also felt blessed at their attitudes. My son said it was his fault for not using a ladder. And my daughter said it was her fault because she left the paint there. They both offered to clean it up, and I suppose it would have been better to have let them and just given them advice, but I felt better just digging in. However, my son made lunch to help out, and my daughter went with me to get kitty litter, and she later took another son to work for me. I really do think the kitty litter helped. I got the idea from a friend who paints murals for a living, who had once told me that if you have old paint to dispose of, that the garbage pickup will take it if you dry it up with kitty litter first. So I used that, and used old bread bags for plastic gloves, and lots of paper towels, and lots of garbage bags. My eight year old son assisted me (strong willed, difficult child but very competent and helpful).

We had been so afraid that Dad would come home and drive his car into the garage while I was out buying the kitty litter. So I thought I'd put an old high chair right where he parks his car. One son said that then he would start to drive in, get mad, get out of his car and head into the house to ask who put that high chair there, and hit the paint (with his feet) and down he'd go. I actually told that to my husband later, and he actually thought it was funny…though if it had really happened, NONE of us would have thought it funny…and we wanted to be sure it did not happen. So my daughter just temporarily disabled the electric garage door opener, so he COULDN'T drive his car in, even part way. But as it turned out, we got home and got the paint all taken care of before my husband got home. It “only” took about two to three hours. But we got the garage floor cleaner than it's probably ever been.

Saturday, December 30, 2006

"Electronic Friendship"

This morning, as I read Danielle Bean's blog, I remembered an article that I had written about three years ago. I would like to share it with you here.

ELECTRONIC FRIENDSHIP
The Joys and Frustrations of Connecting, or Re-Connecting, Online
by Margaret Mary Myers

Friendship is surely God's greatest gift on earth. Our friendship with Him is an insurpassable blessing and privilege. But He also made us for friendship with our fellow travelers on this voyage that we call life. I am not putting friendship above marriage, as happily married spouses are also friends to one another. But those who are married need other friends besides the one.

Friendship is the very great joy of those who are not married, as well. From my observation of several single or widowed ladies in my youth, they seemed just as happy as married women, and sometimes much happier than some married women I knew. Their secret? Their friendships.

I am not putting friendship above family either, whether immediate or extended, because good family ties involve varying degrees of friendship with the family members. Friendship being so important, and so rewarding, it comes as no surprise, then, that a new mode of communication would become a new "powerhouse" of connection with friends, both old and new. And that is why I named this chat, "Electronic Friendship". Not only does the internet provide us with an inexpensive means of keeping in touch with our old friends who may live at a distance, but it also sometimes provides us with a source of new friends, as dear as some of those we have first met in person.

ADVANTAGES: Emails can be sent at the convenience of the sender, and received at the convenience of the receiver. No worry about whether or not the other person is busy or our schedules mesh. And emails travel through space with the rapidity of the angels. Like the angels, when we are doing email, we are often speaking heart to heart, soul to soul. Consequently, it is easy to communicate on a deep personal basis, seeking and giving encouragement, sympathy, understanding; sharing at a deep level.

Sometimes in sharing with others, through writing, reading what we've written, and reading their response, we learn more about ourselves, and grow personally, as well as sometimes helping the other person to do the same. I have been able to keep in touch with my sister-in-law and dear friend by email when I couldn't afford the money and time for long phone calls with her. I have been able to develop a close personal friendship with a lady who was at my church, by communicating through email, and when she moved away, our friendship was as strong as ever, as we were able to continue our electronic communication uninterrupted.

SERENDIPIDITIES: How many wonderful surprises I have had through email! I imagine that is true of some other people also. When I was contacted about my thirty year high school reunion a few years ago, the lady who contacted me asked if I had email. I said yes, and we found we had homeschooling in common. We formed a new friendship where there had been none when we were in school, now communicating principally by email. Now we not only chat on email every now and then, but when I go to my home town, we can easily talk on the phone for an hour or more at a time. Another former classmate and I met online and talked about some of the things that had happened in high school. Although we were not unkind to each other in school, I think we would have been named "least likely to be friends" in high school, had there been such a designation; but now she has enriched my life in many ways and is one of my great inspirations.

One of my sons put up a website and told his message board friends about it. One of them offered to help him improve the graphics and other aspects of his website. Now it is a group project, although they still consult my son for his opinion and final word on any changes and updates. Recently, two days in a row, they had a thousand visits to the home page. Not only is it good for his self-esteem but he is learning so much about computers and the internet that he might not have learned as well in a classroom.

The greatest serendipity in my own life has been how God brings good out of bad, how my youngest son lost much of his vision, and I gained so many wonderful friends. I have found a whole community of resources to fill his needs, and the support to fill mine. I formed friendships at various levels, some acquaintances, some closer friends. Among these, I have gained a few very close, dear friends.

DISADVANTAGES: I said that in communicating by internet, we often communicate like angels, on a heart to heart basis. However, we are not angels. Oh dear. No, we have bodies and souls. We have five senses, more or less. I say more or less because some of the people I know, and have known, are deaf, or blind, or are not able to smell or taste. But we all have the use of at least some of the five senses. And there isn't much of that involved in communicating by email. We feel the keyboard or the braille or we hear the synthetic speech; and if we are sighted, we see the print. But it is not a personal thing, like touching a friend, or like seeing someone's face or their handwriting, seeing the stationery they have chosen, smelling the perfume on their stationery, or hearing the voice, inflections, and laugh of a friend. As wonderful as it is to be able to communicate electronically, sometimes there is the desire to stretch it to a fuller dimension, to be in touch with the person as a whole person, not just in touch with the wonderful depth of the soul but with the body and our senses as well.

Sometimes we even do have the opportunity to meet an online friend in person. But sometimes we don't have the time or money to do so and can only dream of being able to sometime in the future. Normally in friendship there are some kinds of shared activities, whether working on a project together, sharing a meal or snack, or some form of recreation. This is something that is usually missing in an internet connection. Another drawback is that it is easy to say things that we might not otherwise say, whether unwise or too personal. Sometimes we say things that are right but, without body language or "vibes", they come through differently than we mean them to. It is also perhaps easier to fall into whatever personal "phobias" or "neuroses" that some of us may have, be it manipulating, smothering, neglecting, feeling insecure, or not communicating our needs and our feelings about how the other person communicates. It is perhaps harder to overcome these without the personal connection of the whole person -- with no body language or voice inflections than we can "read". Sometimes, when this is our deepest or our only form of communication with someone, it hurts when it is withdrawn. A friend might get so deeply involved with email that he or she feels the need to cut it off entirely for the sake of his or her home life. Then we may be left without communication with that person.

ENRICHMENT: While our internet friendships enrich our lives, we can also enrich our internet friendships. Some people send pictures of themselves, and perhaps of their family or friends, by email, website, or even by snail mail, to their email friends. Some people who meet or chat online also call their friends on the phone. We can send a greeting card, either an ecard or by snail mail, or we can occasionally send a snail mail letter. We can share what we have written for publication (or at least "hopefully for publication someday"). If we know or can find out what the other person likes, we may be able to send small, easy-to-mail gifts, a nice-smelling sachet or hand lotion for a lady, or a pressed flower, or a book; or maybe even a small food gift, thus sharing our food, even if we cannot sit down to a meal together. One friend of mine asked me about my shopping choices and has sent me many coupons over the months. If only we could find a way to send a hug.

SOURCES: So how do you find online friends? Besides finding out which of your local or long-distance friends have email, another way is to get on an egroup with other people who have the same interests or needs. One good source of egroups is at: http://www.groups.yahoo.com There you can find categories to browse, or type your interest into their search box. And just sign up and introduce yourself.

BENEFITS: The benefits of online communication are great and far outweigh any weaknesses, in my opinion. Where else, in today's fast-paced world, could we meet so many new friends, develop such deep friendships, share values and concerns as we go about similar or varied responsibilities, and obtain so much support and affirmation? What a wonderful opportunity and blessing the internet can be in our lives and that of our friends!

Tuesday, January 31, 2006

Teens Who Rebel

Today is the feast of St. John Bosco. What a beautiful life and example he was for all of us who are parents, or who deal with children in any way. St. John Bosco was a teacher in Italy in the nineteenth century, who made it his business to reach the hearts and souls of his students. His motto was "Reason, religion and kindness".

As he has long been my inspiration, I would like to take this opportunity to copy here what I wrote yesterday to the Catholic Charlotte Mason Yahoo Group regarding teens who rebel. I don't remember the exact question now, but it was something about how one could homeschool, or raise one's children, in such as way that ones' teens would not rebel. As one of the "older parents" in the group, I felt impelled to comment. I think the email I responded to was entitled something like, "Teens who rebel", so that is my title, although my subject goes a bit beyond teens. For those of you from that Yahoo group, I know this is a repetition, but "stay tuned" because my next post will be a book review of Melissa Wiley's Little House book: Down to the Bonny Glen.

Before I begin the post from yesterday, I'd like to pass on a request for prayers from a friend of mine: for herself and her adult son. Hmm, please include me in your prayers also, as I have some decisions I'll be facing in the next months. Thank you so much.

My reply to the questions about teen rebellion:

I wanted to reply to the questions about teen rebellion. As a sixtie's rebel myself; and a convert, as a teen, from a non-Catholic faith to super strict traditional Catholicism; who has since mellowed out, and who has raised three kids (with three more, not yet adults); and a person who has observed many families grow from marriage to having adult children, I would like to make a few comments. I hope they will be helpful.

First of all, we must raise our children for God, the best we can, with the knowledge, graces, etc. that we have at the time. Sounds like I'm preaching to the choir, doesn't it? Everyone here knows we raise them for God! But, what I mean is that we don't raise them for our own satisfaction; hence, we don't fret if they don't turn out exactly as we had hoped. Not an easy principle, that! But it is reassuring, nevertheless, because what I'm leading to is this: If at some point in his or her young adult life, a child doesn't follow our teaching, we may and undoubtedly will grieve; but we should not waste our time blaming him, others, or even - perhaps I should say, especially - ourselves. Mother Guilt is a strong impulse but it accomplishes little. Not that we can't analyze and make some changes if we have other children to raise...but even then, we must make those changes carefully because what works for one might be different from what works for another; and it's easy to swing the pendulum too far. The bottom line is that God endowed each individual with free will and as our children become adults, they make their own choices. God is the ultimate Father, yet He did not force Adam and Eve to obey; He did not force St. Peter to be faithful and not deny Him; and He will not force our children, nor does He expect us to force them, when they become adults.

Okay, but most of you reading this are young parents looking for reassurance. You want to think that if you homeschool your children, then they won't go wrong. Nothing is a guarantee, but it's my bet that - in most families - by homeschooling, we're increasing the odds tenfold (or is it a hundredfold?) that they won't go off the deep end. I also believe that the Charlotte Mason approach is another way of increasing the odds in one's favor.

Several years ago, there was something I read in a Catholic family magazine (Faith and Family, I think.). The author of the article stressed the importance of talking about our faith with our children. In other words, we don't just talk about "The Faith", but about our own personal faith in God and His goodness, and how He works in our own lives. To some, that might be a no-brainer ("of course!"). But it is easier for some people than for others to share something which might seem rather personal. But I think it's worth the effort to grow, even if it doesn't come naturally.

The next thing I would like to comment on is just what IS "rebellion"? I think we need to examine what we require of our kids. While they are (underage) teenagers, are we, for example, requiring them to conform to a certain mode of dress and hairstyle so that our peers will respect us? I'm not referring to modest dress that doesn't invite sin, but to style; for example, does it matter if our son wears a polo shirt or a t-shirt or a Hawaiian shirt? Does it really matter if his hair is short or a bit longer, or if a girl wears make-up or chooses not to? I just picked this one area as an example. Where morals and dangers are concerned, we have to be stricter than in other areas, and of course, if their dress would mark them as being a part of a dangerous group, we might have to have some serious discussions, and perhaps the last word. The old adage comes to mind: "Pick your battles."

I'd like to share with you something Dr. James Dobson said about raising teenagers (from his book, The Strong Willed Teenager). He spoke of our teen being in a boat, riding down the river. He said that many parents picture a big falls that they are heading for. But in reality, for most kids, the water just gets very turbulent somwhere around 17 or 18, and then as they reach 20 or 21, the river starts running smoothly and calmly again. He says, in the meantime, not to capsize their boat. I have seen parents capsize their teen's boat by over-emotional reactions, by talking about their child to people who consequently don't treat the child well, or even by refusing to speak to the child themselves. (By the way, I'm not sure of the exact ages that Dr. Dobson mentioned.)

I believe that the one very most important thing we can give our children is unconditional love! Even if your children are still small, you can start now by deciding that you will love them, not only love them inside but SHOW them love, all their lives, no matter what. I am not talking about permisssiveness. And I'm not saying that when they grow up, we can't ever advise or admonish them. It's just that it's important for them to know that we love them NO MATTER WHAT...that we respect them for who they are, the good that is in them, and for who they can be. I do know a family where the father would not permit one of the grown children to come to the house because that child had left his Faith and the father was concerned about the example to the younger children. The mother decided that she would meet him for lunch once every week. In due time, the son returned to his Faith. Would he, had his mother abandoned him? Who knows. She followed the example of St. Monica. St. Augustine was converted not only by his mother's prayers, but also by her love.
And incidentally, how long did she pray and have patience with him? Some accounts say forty years. As Winston Churchill once said, as a speech to a group of graduates, "Never, never, never, never, never give up."

To return to the question about how you homeschool in such a way as to help your children keep their faith and morals, and to begin to sum up, I would say we need to try to have a balance between discipline where necessary and a relaxed atmosphere. In one Catholic book by a priest (Christopher's Talks to Catholic Parents by David Greenstock), the author says, "It is better to err on the side of leniency than on the side of strictness." Of course, this was written many years ago, before some of the dangers of the world that we have today, but I think of another thing he said, "Never make religion odious to the child," and I would like to think that he would have approved, especially, of the Catholic Charlotte Mason style of education.

Have you ever heard of the difference between, "we are here to save our souls", and "we are here to know, love and serve God so that we may be happy with Him forever in heaven"? The one looks at the bad, bad, bad; how can we avoid this and that evil; look how bad these other people are. The other looks at what we can do to serve our neighbor for love of God; how we can pray well; how we can let beauty lift our hearts, and minds and souls to God. Let us teach our children, by prayer, by example, by word, and by love to know, love and serve God so that we may all be happy with Him together in heaven.

God bless.

Margaret Mary