My Peace I Give You - Book Give-Away - Last Day

"Truly, truly, I say to you, you will weep and lament, but the world will rejoice; you will be sorrowful, but your sorrow will turn into joy." John 16:20

For children of abuse (of any kind of serious abuse, I would think), their little world around them rejoices, while they sorrow.  We often say their 'childhood innocence' has been stolen from them. This doesn't mean they are any less innocent in their own goodness - God forbid anyone should think such a thing! - but that they have lost a certain freedom to view the world as a good place, a safe and a happy place.

Worse, they may have lost the vision of themselves as good people, who are valuable simply because they are, simply because God made them.  They may come to think they are valuable only because of what they do.  If they were valuable to someone for their sexuality, then they can become even more valuable to others - and in a good way - for their accomplishments, or for being the go-to person who makes others happy, or the guardian who keeps others safe from various dangers.  (Just to clarify, there are also others who have these lofty goals who were not sexually abused.)

But all this doesn't mean that victims don't have some normal childhood fun times, as well as establish some good memories.  People are very resilient.  God programmed us for survival.  It's not only criminals who compartmentalize, but some victims do as well.  And those good memories often help us get through life and establish an identity we can fall back on...and that we can build on later in life.

For someone who was sexually abused as a child, hearing that we need to "just leave our past behind" may do more damage than good. It's not that we need or want to go back to the bad times.  Indeed, some people even have emotionally painful flashbacks.  But there is a need to process its effects, to clarify our innocence and our value, to learn to nurture ourselves.

In her book, My Peace I Give You, Healing Sexual Wounds with the Help of the Saints, Dawn Eden shares a prayer from the Extraordinary Form of the Roman Rite Mass, which includes these words, "Deliver us, O Lord, from every evil, past, present, and to come..."   She also says in reference to this prayer of the Mass, "The evil of my past is still evil, but it no longer has any power over me. All that remains of it are my wounds..."

As we find healing, as we work on regaining our identity, we begin to realize the words of the Scripture, "...but your sorrow will turn into joy."  

***

Today's post comes from my own decades of experience and from counseling I've received, as well as from wisdom from Dawn Eden's book, My Peace I Give You, Healing Sexual Wounds with the Help of the Saints.  Today is your last chance to win a free copy of this book in my drawing.  I will have a family member draw a name out of a hat at approximately 6 p.m. tonight...that's 6:00 p.m. Pacific Daylight Time (and yes, I'm on the East Coast but I wanted to give you the earlier time, so no one misses the "deadline". If you are east of that time zone, you can figure accordingly.)  Again, if you would like to win the book but you don't want to go public with your name, you can create a fictitious name. Just be sure you email me to let me know what that name is, so that if you win, I will be able to find you in order to send you the book. 

Whether you are a victim or you know someone who is, or you just want to learn more in case you ever do know someone, thank you for reading, and may God bless you with much peace - the peace that passes understanding - and with much joy, now and always.

My Peace I Give You - Book Give-Away - Day Four

Whether we have suffered from childhood sexual or physical abuse or bullying, or whether as an adult we have suffered from subtle humiliation or quiet exclusion by our peers, or whether we have had to deal with a difficult boss...regardless of degree or type, there is one thing in common in all these types of suffering.  They result from someone's misuse of free will...someone else's misuse of free will at our expense.

We sometimes look for excuses:  That person must have been abused himself and that's why he abuses others.  Maybe this boss is treated badly by her superior and that's why she treats her subordinates badly.  Maybe. But no excuse gives someone permission to treat another person as an object for his or her own pleasure or advancement, instead of with respect for the other person as a whole person.

But where does God and His will fit in here?  As someone who was sexually abused as a child, I've always cringed when I hear someone say that everything that happens is willed by God...especially if they say it in the presence of someone I know has been abused in some way, especially someone who was abused as a child.  God's will is a mystery. But we do know, beyond the shadow of a doubt, that God is good and that all good things come from God.

As Christians, we know from the words of Jesus Himself how he views the mistreatment of our neighbor.  Jesus said that it would be better that a millstone be hanged around our neck and we be drowned than that we scandalize a little one.  I used to think - back when I was sweeping my childhood sexual abuse under the rug - that this meant things you did in the presence of a child.  For example, if you swore or left explicit magazines lying around...or stole something at the store, that would scandalize a little one.  It hadn't occurred to me how much more scandalous it is to devalue someone to the level of an object. That, I think, is the ultimate scandal.

Jesus also said that what we do to the least of his, we do to him.  And that, at the last day, He will say, "I was hungry and you gave me to eat"...or "I was hungry and you did not give me to eat." What if we were hungry for wholesomeness?  What if we were hungry for genuine love and respect?

Now, I'm not saying there is no hope for abusers, who indeed can repent and be forgiven.  The young man who murdered St. Maria Goretti is a shining example of  true and humble repentance. (He repented in prison, after Maria appeared to him in a dream.)

What I am saying is that God does not will that one person hurt another.  So, if we were abused in some way, that was not God's will.  Or, as Dawn Eden says, "God never positively wills evil."

Yes, God's will is a mystery.  Yes, He allows evil in this world -- because if He didn't, then we would not be able to love, because love must be freely given, from our free will.  God allows evil and He brings good out of it, although sometimes that good is hard for us to find.  He comforts us and strengthens us and guides us to find the help we need.  Sometimes, if we have been abused, it may be difficult to find him at times.  Where was He?  And yet He was there, caring, being "hungry", as He pointed out in the Gospels...hungry with us that we might feel wholesome love.

As Dawn Eden points out in her book, My Peace I Give You, Saint Bernard said, "God cannot suffer, but he can 'suffer with'."

He was always there, 'suffering with' us and loving us. And He is always here, helping us to heal. 

***

I've enjoyed sharing my own thoughts with you today.  If you were sexually abused or you know someone who was, or if you were abused in some other way, I highly recommend you read  Dawn Eden's new book, My Peace I Give You, Healing Sexual Wounds with the Help of the Saints.  And you still have time to put your name into my drawing to win a copy of the book.  If you would rather not include your name, you can make a fictitious name and then be sure to email me privately, so that I can find you if you win.

Remember, God loves you.

My Peace I Give You - Book Give-Away - Day Three

I had an idea!  I'm thinking that some people might like to win the book My Peace I Give to You, Healing Sexual Wounds with the Help of the Saints, some people who might not want to give their names in public blog comments. Okay, how about this?  If you would like to win the book, but you would rather not give your name, then you can create a make-believe name (a name of a fantasy book character, for example) and use that, and then - be sure you do this part! - send me an email privately, telling me what your pseudonym is, so that if you win, I can email you to get your address in order to send you your book.

Today I have another video, Dawn Eden speaking with LifeSite News. It only lasts a few minutes and it's well worth the time.

She talks about the book, a few of the saints, and her plans to use the summer speaking about Healing Sexual Wounds with the Help of the Saints. 

Here, you can see where Dawn is already scheduled to speak. You can find links on that page if you'd like to find out how to invite her to an area near you.

Be sure to leave a comment here on my blog, if you'd like a chance to win a free copy of the book.

 

My Peace I Give You - Book Give-Away - Day Two

Enter the drawing to win My Peace I Give You, Healing Sexual Wounds with the Help of the Saints, by Dawn Eden. Just leave a comment at the end of this blog post. You can enter again any day this week.  I will have a member of my family draw a name from a hat on Friday, May 18th.  Please be sure to check back Friday evening to see if you won, in case I need your contact information. 

Today, I'd like to share with you an interesting seven-minute interview between religion correspondent Lauren Green of FOX News and author Dawn Eden. 

My Peace I Give You - Book Give-Away - Day One

My Peace I Give You, Healing Sexual Wounds with the Help of the Saints.  What an eye-catching title!  When I saw this title some weeks ago, I immediately pre-ordered this book.  I'm glad I did and I want to share it with you. I have one copy of the book to share, as well as some thoughts.

Do you know someone who was sexually abused as a child?  You might think you don't, but I'm betting that you do. You just might not know it, that's all.  Or maybe you do. Or maybe you were.

You see, it's often not something that people talk about...unless they have a reason.   Dawn Eden shares, that she might help others to find healing. I share, that I might help others find her book. It's the first time I have come out publicly to say that I was sexually abused as a child. It wasn't until I was in my forties that I first told my story privately to my husband, older kids, and a few close friends.  Still, my father doesn't know.  (And if you know him, don't tell him.  My father isn't well; I'm not recommending that you don't tell family members.) 

But what is my point?  Mostly this: If you think you don't know anyone who was sexually abused, you probably do. And also this: If you yourself were abused as a child, but you haven't told anyone, no one is asking you to tell the world, as Dawn does to write this book, or as I am doing to promote it.  But it's not shameful, because it wasn't your fault (as hard as that concept may be to internalize).  And personally, I'm going to suggest, if you have never told anyone, to please tell someone...someone you can trust to respect your feelings and whatever confidentiality you may desire.   

What I'm saying here - and what this book is about - is not about current abuse.  If you are currently being abused, I would just say: Get help.  And don't give up. Ask for help until you find it.

But this book is about the wounds we may have from past abuse, and how we can find healing for them through Christ and through the saints.  For decades, I have meditated on the passion of Christ and admired the lives of the saints. And yet, in one book, Dawn Eden brings new insights, helping me better understand how all this can apply to my own life.  Her book has also helped me to understand something which, for me, was very consoling. In becoming a Catholic, I thought I should be healed ("presto, chango", as we used to say as kids)...and yet there are problems in my heart, in some of my friendships, that I can trace back to my childhood sexual abuse. Dawn enlightened me with this statement in her book, "Now that I know my identity is to be found in Christ, I realize the importance of avoiding acting from my pathology.  But there remains the challenge of learning how to act from my wellness, for my wellness co-exists with my wounds."

If you are Catholic - or if you are Christian and open to reading a book that talks about how we can find healing for suffering, in the wounds of Christ and through the saints - then this might be a book you want to have, regardless of the kind of suffering you have experienced in your life.

And this week, one lucky person can get it for free! All you have to do to get a chance to win this book is leave a comment on my blog this week. You can just say hi or ask to be entered in the drawing.  Be sure to sign in, so I can find you if you win. You do not have to have been sexually abused to enter this drawing.  You may also enter because you know someone who was, or simply to understand better those who were, or even to find help in understanding and dealing with other kinds of suffering in your life. And of course you don't have to tell me why you would like the book.   


And you can enter again, all this week, in the comments of my future blog posts.  In subsequent blog posts, I plan to share links to some of the things others have said about Dawn's book, and to post a link to an interview with her. 

Thank you for stopping in today, and God bless you.

My Peace I Give You -- Book Review

As a Catholic adult who was sexually abused as a child, I pre-ordered My Peace I Give You, waiting eagerly to receive it. To say I was not disappointed would be an understatement. If you are a Catholic who was sexually abused as a child, this book is for you. Even if you were not, if you have suffered from other abuse or neglect...indeed, whatever you suffer, there is much that you, too, can learn from this book. And if you are close to someone who was sexually abused as a child, it will give you a greater understanding.

It took me nearly fifty years to understand that my having been sexually abused as a child affected me in more ways than one. Dawn Eden explains, offering both affirmation and hope. She speaks of one man suffering also from his "family's failure to provide him with protection"...and she speaks of our need as children for belonging and identity...and of "the lonely sense of isolation that is the result of having one's self-image disfigured by abuse".

Dawn applies her knowledge of theology and the lives of the saints to the suffering we have in our own lives in ways that I hadn't understood in my forty plus years of being a committed Catholic. Even though I already knew many of the saints whose stories she included, she presented them with fresh clarity and insight.

Dawn does not minimize either our past suffering or the effects of past abuse, as she shares her story and the stories of saints with delicacy and compassion. Yet, at the same time, she shows us God's great love and how he heals us through our wounds.

My emotions in reading this book were relief in understanding more clearly, and overall, a sense of hope and joy.



If you find this review helpful, you can vote that you do, at Amazon reviews, if you'd like.