What Greater Thing Can There Be Than This?

We're going to have hard times. No matter who becomes President we're going to have hard times. Every day, for whatever reason, someone will die or someone will get sick or someone will have an accident, or someone will be without a job. No human being on earth can solve all that. That doesn't mean we shouldn't be compassionate; it means we should. But there's another point I want to share today. 

I've always "preached" how we need one another, we need to love one another; but there's something more. We need to know that God loves us. We need to trust in his love! We need to know that we can turn to him in our hearts, no matter what. I woke up with that thought, not that it's a new thought, but suddenly, in the night, I realized that's what's been bothering me so much lately.

Some people perhaps out of fear, some few people possibly even out of a need to manipulate, out of a myriad of different reasons, which I cannot judge, some people are threatening others with the loss of God. Some people are saying or implying, in essence, if you vote this way, or if you don't vote that way, you will separate yourself from God, now and for eternity (for eternity, if you aren't sorry). I don't know a lot about how eternity works, but you cannot separate yourself from God on this earth. He is always there. He is always here loving us. 

Some of my Catholic friends might sputter "but mortal sin". Grave sin, committed with full knowledge and willing consent, still doesn't keep God from loving someone.  Let's not forget about the Good Shepherd. It doesn't keep a person from loving his or her family and friends. It doesn't keep their family and friends from loving them. As a matter of fact, because of those two things, full knowledge and consent, you and I cannot judge anyone – not anyone at all - of actually subjectively committing a mortal sin or "being in mortal sin", because we cannot see into anyone's heart or mind. Only God can do that. And he is so much more loving than we are even capable of. He is so much more loving than we can even imagine.

When hard times come, and they are here for us all at one time or another, God is there. God is here! He loves us. He wants us to love him. We can say to God all day, "I love you", but we need to remember also that "He loves us!" If we don't believe someone loves us, it makes it harder to love them, doesn't it? Think about someone who has been hateful to you. Think of the woman who cut you off on the freeway or the guy behind you who honked loud and hard because you weren't speeding fast enough for him. We don't think they like us very well (at least in that moment), do we? And how do we respond? We usually don't like them very well either, do we?

After being in a cult; after then hearing for years, from some people, that God would smite us, God will punish us, if we make some misstep; after trying to stay close to him and saying, "I love you," I finally started adding another prayer to that: "I love you. I believe in your love for me. Help me to believe more in your love for me." 

God loves us! What greater thing can there ever be than this? Let us, by our love, by our compassion, encourage one another in that belief.  

Yes, Black Lives Do Matter

I could give you a long list of individual black people whose lives matter to me. Doctors who have served my family. My math professor of a few years ago. My beloved former coworkers and classmates. Neighbors who have helped me in the snow. The people at my post office who were there for me when my sister died and my son died, and I had to send paperwork back and forth across the country to be my dad's legal guardian. Several priests, including one who is quite large & I have found myself being concerned for him when I have heard that some officer or another was afraid because someone was black and large. Oh, puh- lease!

There was a time in my life when I wasn't awake to the idea that there was a real problem. A couple of times, really. One of those times, in the late 60's, I started reading. Another time, in the 90's, I just gradually became more aware.

So, if you don't see what I see these days, the terrible injustices, I would ask you to read more widely, to meet more diverse people if possible, to consider that maybe, just maybe mistakes, and sins, and criminal injustices are sometimes made on both sides of the law.

If a teacher abused a child, people would be all upset. And teachers did, when I was a child, but what could I or my classmates do? But if other teachers, or parents, or the school board held them responsible...and perhaps they did at some point.

How many bodies of people, how many positions, do we grant impunity to? There should be none.

Personally, I'm not even sure what you and I can do. But I would ask you to get your news and views from more than one source, and to pray with me for a time of greater respect for all people, because we all matter, but right now, today, I'm going to say this: Black lives matter!

Relationships that Cause Shame

Some people grow up feeling shame, whether because of physical abuse or sexual abuse, bullying, emotional neglect, or some other reason. But have you ever thought about this question: Why does one person, who feels shame, feel the need to shame another, while another person, who feels shame, feels no such need? Why does one person, who has struggled, seek to help others, while another person, who has struggled, feels the need to knock others down? 

I know some will say it's a choice. And of course, that's partly true. The one who doesn't choose to shame others or knock others down makes the kinder and wiser choice.

But that doesn't totally answer the question. I still wonder why. Why do we make those choices? I can't just put it all into neat little boxes of "good people" and "bad people".

I don't tend to judge people harshly…which doesn't mean I don't get angry at people for the way they treat myself or others; but I usually stop short of thinking of them as "bad people"…probably because I was sometimes treated badly as a child by other children who I cared about, and I didn't stop caring about them as a result.

When someone treats us badly, it's my guess that it probably doesn't take their own feelings of shame away. I think it would only add to it.

But as much as it hurt me, I can't throw out the good which I remember, too. It's there, all tangled up with the bad. It's confusing.

What I can do, and what I feel I must do – and what it took me years, even decades, to do! – is acknowledge that I was wronged. It wasn't my fault that I was mistreated. It wasn't that I was weak. It was simply wrong. "They" were not "wrong", like a "wrong person" or a "mistake", but neither was I.  

That doesn't mean I didn't ever do anything wrong or didn't ever hurt them too! It's just that some of us have a harder time acknowledging that not everything was about something we did, that we didn't do anything to warrant cruel mistreatment.   

Somewhere, buried deep inside, we must know that our own happiness and well-being is not less important. Secondly, someone else's mistreatment of us cannot - I believe now - bring them greater happiness and well-being.  

But we can allow ourselves to remember the good times or thoughts when they pop up, even while acknowledging the bad times. We can forgive someone for the very real harm they did to us without letting them do it again. 

In some cases, we may still be in touch and set boundaries; but I know there are cases where it isn't safe for someone to be in touch, and other cases where one grows weary of reaching out; but we can say a little pray for them, when we think of them, and wish them well inside our hearts. 

I believe that caring for ourselves – not only physically but emotionally, too - is not selfishness, but the kind of self-love that gives us the capacity to love others, and especially to find those with whom we can have relationships which are "right". In a "right" relationship, we care for one another, not just care in the sense of liking someone, or having fun with them, but also care in the sense of desiring the mutual happiness and well-being of both people.

  

In the Wake of Recent Tragedies

I was heartbroken yesterday. I am no less so today. I'd like to ask you one thing. Please don't let the media, any politicians, or anyone else make this an "us" vs. "them" thing for you. It isn't.

You might not guess this from my past posts, but someone close to me wears the uniform and carries the gun. I thought about that waking up this morning, and I hadn't heard about Dallas yet. Maybe I was feeling something. Yes, it's not easy being an officer, and we need to see them as human beings and value their lives, and appreciate the dedication of the many who are doing their jobs well. But please understand that doesn't mean we can't make some changes in the system. That doesn't mean that we shouldn't value the lives of those who are senselessly killed, without due process, for minor infractions or sometimes no infraction at all. That doesn't mean we can't call for accountability, as we would in any other profession.

Just for a little perspective, does anyone think that teachers, coaches, and those who lead souls should be allowed to sexually abuse children unchecked? No, we have worked to change systems to control and deal with that…fortunately, to the benefit of all those who are good teachers, coaches, and leaders of souls. In a similar way, it is not that all or most policemen and policewomen are bad people. For heaven's sake, many of them get into it primarily because they want to serve. But if you assume they are all good, all make good judgments all the time, no matter what they do…even if they kill without cause, then would you make the same assumption if it were your child or son or husband who was a victim? Would you feel the same if a teacher abused your child? We need to respect the law but we need to change some of the systems, so that we have better training, better vetting, and more accountability in the profession.

One can be upset about both what happened with the two men who were killed by police in the past few days and what happened in Dallas. That is not mutually exclusive. Sure, perhaps some in the media want to make it us vs. them, like a sporting event, so we will watch and read. But it isn't us vs. them! For one thing, if you go there, you are comparing apples and oranges, a profession and a race. What sense does that even make?

Wanting accountability within a profession doesn't mean someone wants carnage, the very kind of carnage some of us are hoping to change. Why would anyone who is trying to fight for better legislation to stop violence want more violence? Are people even aware of the reasonable means being used to try to bring about change?

What happened in Dallas was a peaceful protest, which was being followed by a moment of silence. Who the snipers were and why they were there, I don't know. I don't know if we will ever really know the motivation. But it is grief upon grief for our nation.

I do want to add that all my teenage and adult life, I've grieved so much whenever I hear people say derogatory things or make derogatory judgments about people based on their race. I'm not saying I'm perfect and that I've never had any kind of prejudiced thought in my life; but I check myself on it. I'm not saying I'm a better person; maybe I was helped by my sister marrying someone of another race, while I was just a young teen. But all I know is it grieves me deeply. I think it must grieve the Father more. If we look at someone and automatically make a judgment about what they might do or think or feel, based on the color of their skin, then what are we saying to their Creator?